Another first...

Today, I finally made use of some free Cineplex movie coupons and a gift card that had been burning a hole in my wallet for over a year...maybe even 2!!! One of the goals that I set out and hoped to reach before ringing in the New Year was to be able to go to a movie theatre and enjoy a movie in comfort. Well, today I did it! Seems rather trivial, I know and to many I suppose it is insignificant. But today was special to me because I have never ever sat in a movie theatre with my children before and I hadn't been myself in over 6 years!! It was wonderful to be able to take the kids on this type of outing and not have any anxiety whatsoever about "fitting" or worrying about looking and feeling uncomfortable in the seats. Instead, we marched in, bought our tickets and some popcorn and found a seat in the theatre. It was wonderful to share this moment with my kiddos too...they have been such motivation along this journey...in many ways, they have, without even knowing it, kept me focused and driven toward my goal. I am so glad that we got to share this moment together and before 2010 began!!

What a wonderful feeling to set goals and actually have the tools and resources to meet them...especially for me when it comes to my weight. So many times I set out to loose and loose and would set goals for myself, even small ones, and never get there because it was just too overwhelming and the challenge seemed to defeat me over and over again. Not this time though...this time I am a survivor...this time I have conquered my weight and it no longer has the power to defeat me or hold me down or back from enjoying life.

Of course, I can't take all the credit for the all of progress I have made in recent months...God is sovereign...I have seen it in my life. He continues to hold all things pertaining to me in His exceptionally capable hands...what is required of me is to simply trust...and to trust even where I cannot see. My life is an example of such trust and certainly "leaning"...leaning heavily on the everlasting arms of the Father. There is absolutely no way that I would have ever been able to accomplish this on my own...my journey has been and continues to be, without a doubt, an entire series of "God Moments" strung together to create something beautiful...a life of love, hope and freedom, living moment to moment in the knowledge and assurance of His amazing grace.

As I sit here tonight, New Year's Eve 2009, the words of the chorus recently added to the traditional hymn Amazing Grace come to mind...they sum up my testimony and completely and perfectly articulate the sentiments that at this moment are overflowing from my heart....

My chains are gone,
I've been set free,
My God, my Saviour has ransomed me.
And like a flood, his mercy reigns,
Unending love, AMAZING GRACE.

A New Year...

This year has been no doubt one of the most eventful years of my life and has housed many a change, up's and down's and all kids of in between's. But as I am sitting here today looking out at the vastness of the ocean in front of me and on the very cusp of yet another year, I find myself looking forward with a much different outlook than I have in a very very long time...if ever. I feel a freshness about life, a newness about the adventures and possibilities that lay before me. Never before have I been so very excited to begin another year and again I as I have mentioned many times recently, I am full to the brim.

Yesterday afternoon my Dad and I went off the the beach to swim in the Gulf and how I felt as I dipped into the ocean was certainly no exception to the many wonderful "moments" I have enjoyed over the course of this journey. I walked confidently onto the beach in my bathing suit and cover up and took it off to run headlong into the huge breakers crashing against the shore. Dad and I swam and swam in the beautiful ocean for what must have been an hour. In those moments with my Dad as the billowing waves gently heaved me back and forth, I was reminded of the lightness that I now feel about life and most importantly I was reminded of the burden that has been miraculously lifted from my shoulders over the past months...I was reminded of the awesome power of the One who not only crafted the very essence and beauty of the ocean I was enjoying, but who also made my very own personal journey possible...this was for me what I have always called and "eternal moment"...a moment of epiphany and revelation....and my heart was overjoyed!

This year, 2010, if I were to make any sort of resolution, it would be a promise to myself that I will just keep on keeping on...in other words, keep on moving forward Ally and journeying forward and enjoy the newness of life each day...don't go backwards and only revisit the past to remind myself of the learning that has been done along the way and remember the lessons learned as a result of my journey thus far...the good, the bad and the ugly...

Although somewhat cliche and maybe a bit flippantly overused, God is good...and I mean that. He is. Of absolute tragic, life shattering, brokenness, He has brought about such good...and I can honestly say that I would not have wanted life to be any different for me because had it not gone this way, I would not be the Ally I am today...I would not be enjoying the beautiful opportunities and possibilities that I am on the verge of at this point in my life...so, Happy New Year and feel free to share my motto for 2010....JUST PRESS FORWARD (and try to do it with a smile...even if you have to force it!!! Trust me, it helps!!!!!!!!!)

A Milestone...

It has been an incredible year...and more specifically an incredible few months since surgery...everyday it seems that another milestone is reached and more and more of my dreams are realized. This week has been absolutely no exception to that...on Tuesday I confidently boarded my Air Canada flight to Florida and comfortably, I repeat COMFORTABLY sat in the seat without encroaching on the person next to me. I was even able to do up the seat belt and didn't have to humiliate myself by asking for a seat belt extension...I must admit that I almost cried. Walking on to the plane and not having to walk sideways to fit down the isle was amazing...I savoured the moment and took my time making my way to my seat. The entire flight was comfortable and I was able to use the food tray to enjoy my drink. I had enough room to put it down in front of me and it didn't even touch my belly!!! NOTHING was tight!!!

These are what seem to be very simple everyday happenings for most people but for me they are huge milestones...experiences that I had come to accept would never happen again in my life because my weight had defeated me completely...or so I thought. The journey just keeps getting better...

It was truly amazing to see the faces of my mom and dad when I came down the escalator after getting off the plane...I hadn't seen them in a few weeks, so needless to say, I had changed a bit!!! Their faces were both aglow with happiness to see the real Ally...the Ally they used to know come bounding toward them, uninhibited by my weight...walking confidently and happy toward them. They greeted me with huge smiles and even bigger hugs! It was amazing....they were so proud!

Yesterday was yet another amazing day...I went parasailing with my dad just like I had when I was 15 years old and much much lighter! I have wanted to do this for quite some time but again, my weight kept me from even beginning to consider it seriously. I decided though when I knew that I was coming to Florida for Christmas that I was definitely going to do this. So off we went and it was amazing. I was able to fit the life jacket no problem and the harness for the parasail slid on over my thighs and hips with no trouble at all!!!! As I lifted off the back of the boat, I began to cry...what an amazing feeling of freedom to be able to do this and to feel myself be lifted from the boat and carried off into the sky by a parachute!!! I was soaring high up and reached a height of 1200 feet...it was wonderful...I could not help but think how truly blessed I have been over the past few months to have been given this amazing gift of new life...to be granted the opportunity to have this surgery and to "live" again. God is so wonderful and again exceeds my wildest dreams by bringing people and opportunities across the path of my life to aid in bringing me to this point in my personal journey.

Today as I write this I am full to the brim. I couldn't be happier and even now as I write, my face is streaming with tears of joy and sheer happiness. Life has been one rocky journey for about 10 years...but today I feel the full scope of redemption and I am living each moment in the bounty of God's grace. I am not sure that I could even begin to articulate the feeling and emotion inside me at this very moment. It is truly amazing and I am so very grateful...grateful for my journey, and yes, even the painful parts...because without them I would never be able to enjoy this very moment...without them I would not be the me I am right now...without them I would not be at this very place at this very time today...I am content today and happy to be on this very journey...my journey...my very own Ally-journey...