Another first...

Today, I finally made use of some free Cineplex movie coupons and a gift card that had been burning a hole in my wallet for over a year...maybe even 2!!! One of the goals that I set out and hoped to reach before ringing in the New Year was to be able to go to a movie theatre and enjoy a movie in comfort. Well, today I did it! Seems rather trivial, I know and to many I suppose it is insignificant. But today was special to me because I have never ever sat in a movie theatre with my children before and I hadn't been myself in over 6 years!! It was wonderful to be able to take the kids on this type of outing and not have any anxiety whatsoever about "fitting" or worrying about looking and feeling uncomfortable in the seats. Instead, we marched in, bought our tickets and some popcorn and found a seat in the theatre. It was wonderful to share this moment with my kiddos too...they have been such motivation along this journey...in many ways, they have, without even knowing it, kept me focused and driven toward my goal. I am so glad that we got to share this moment together and before 2010 began!!

What a wonderful feeling to set goals and actually have the tools and resources to meet them...especially for me when it comes to my weight. So many times I set out to loose and loose and would set goals for myself, even small ones, and never get there because it was just too overwhelming and the challenge seemed to defeat me over and over again. Not this time though...this time I am a survivor...this time I have conquered my weight and it no longer has the power to defeat me or hold me down or back from enjoying life.

Of course, I can't take all the credit for the all of progress I have made in recent months...God is sovereign...I have seen it in my life. He continues to hold all things pertaining to me in His exceptionally capable hands...what is required of me is to simply trust...and to trust even where I cannot see. My life is an example of such trust and certainly "leaning"...leaning heavily on the everlasting arms of the Father. There is absolutely no way that I would have ever been able to accomplish this on my own...my journey has been and continues to be, without a doubt, an entire series of "God Moments" strung together to create something beautiful...a life of love, hope and freedom, living moment to moment in the knowledge and assurance of His amazing grace.

As I sit here tonight, New Year's Eve 2009, the words of the chorus recently added to the traditional hymn Amazing Grace come to mind...they sum up my testimony and completely and perfectly articulate the sentiments that at this moment are overflowing from my heart....

My chains are gone,
I've been set free,
My God, my Saviour has ransomed me.
And like a flood, his mercy reigns,
Unending love, AMAZING GRACE.

A New Year...

This year has been no doubt one of the most eventful years of my life and has housed many a change, up's and down's and all kids of in between's. But as I am sitting here today looking out at the vastness of the ocean in front of me and on the very cusp of yet another year, I find myself looking forward with a much different outlook than I have in a very very long time...if ever. I feel a freshness about life, a newness about the adventures and possibilities that lay before me. Never before have I been so very excited to begin another year and again I as I have mentioned many times recently, I am full to the brim.

Yesterday afternoon my Dad and I went off the the beach to swim in the Gulf and how I felt as I dipped into the ocean was certainly no exception to the many wonderful "moments" I have enjoyed over the course of this journey. I walked confidently onto the beach in my bathing suit and cover up and took it off to run headlong into the huge breakers crashing against the shore. Dad and I swam and swam in the beautiful ocean for what must have been an hour. In those moments with my Dad as the billowing waves gently heaved me back and forth, I was reminded of the lightness that I now feel about life and most importantly I was reminded of the burden that has been miraculously lifted from my shoulders over the past months...I was reminded of the awesome power of the One who not only crafted the very essence and beauty of the ocean I was enjoying, but who also made my very own personal journey possible...this was for me what I have always called and "eternal moment"...a moment of epiphany and revelation....and my heart was overjoyed!

This year, 2010, if I were to make any sort of resolution, it would be a promise to myself that I will just keep on keeping on...in other words, keep on moving forward Ally and journeying forward and enjoy the newness of life each day...don't go backwards and only revisit the past to remind myself of the learning that has been done along the way and remember the lessons learned as a result of my journey thus far...the good, the bad and the ugly...

Although somewhat cliche and maybe a bit flippantly overused, God is good...and I mean that. He is. Of absolute tragic, life shattering, brokenness, He has brought about such good...and I can honestly say that I would not have wanted life to be any different for me because had it not gone this way, I would not be the Ally I am today...I would not be enjoying the beautiful opportunities and possibilities that I am on the verge of at this point in my life...so, Happy New Year and feel free to share my motto for 2010....JUST PRESS FORWARD (and try to do it with a smile...even if you have to force it!!! Trust me, it helps!!!!!!!!!)

A Milestone...

It has been an incredible year...and more specifically an incredible few months since surgery...everyday it seems that another milestone is reached and more and more of my dreams are realized. This week has been absolutely no exception to that...on Tuesday I confidently boarded my Air Canada flight to Florida and comfortably, I repeat COMFORTABLY sat in the seat without encroaching on the person next to me. I was even able to do up the seat belt and didn't have to humiliate myself by asking for a seat belt extension...I must admit that I almost cried. Walking on to the plane and not having to walk sideways to fit down the isle was amazing...I savoured the moment and took my time making my way to my seat. The entire flight was comfortable and I was able to use the food tray to enjoy my drink. I had enough room to put it down in front of me and it didn't even touch my belly!!! NOTHING was tight!!!

These are what seem to be very simple everyday happenings for most people but for me they are huge milestones...experiences that I had come to accept would never happen again in my life because my weight had defeated me completely...or so I thought. The journey just keeps getting better...

It was truly amazing to see the faces of my mom and dad when I came down the escalator after getting off the plane...I hadn't seen them in a few weeks, so needless to say, I had changed a bit!!! Their faces were both aglow with happiness to see the real Ally...the Ally they used to know come bounding toward them, uninhibited by my weight...walking confidently and happy toward them. They greeted me with huge smiles and even bigger hugs! It was amazing....they were so proud!

Yesterday was yet another amazing day...I went parasailing with my dad just like I had when I was 15 years old and much much lighter! I have wanted to do this for quite some time but again, my weight kept me from even beginning to consider it seriously. I decided though when I knew that I was coming to Florida for Christmas that I was definitely going to do this. So off we went and it was amazing. I was able to fit the life jacket no problem and the harness for the parasail slid on over my thighs and hips with no trouble at all!!!! As I lifted off the back of the boat, I began to cry...what an amazing feeling of freedom to be able to do this and to feel myself be lifted from the boat and carried off into the sky by a parachute!!! I was soaring high up and reached a height of 1200 feet...it was wonderful...I could not help but think how truly blessed I have been over the past few months to have been given this amazing gift of new life...to be granted the opportunity to have this surgery and to "live" again. God is so wonderful and again exceeds my wildest dreams by bringing people and opportunities across the path of my life to aid in bringing me to this point in my personal journey.

Today as I write this I am full to the brim. I couldn't be happier and even now as I write, my face is streaming with tears of joy and sheer happiness. Life has been one rocky journey for about 10 years...but today I feel the full scope of redemption and I am living each moment in the bounty of God's grace. I am not sure that I could even begin to articulate the feeling and emotion inside me at this very moment. It is truly amazing and I am so very grateful...grateful for my journey, and yes, even the painful parts...because without them I would never be able to enjoy this very moment...without them I would not be the me I am right now...without them I would not be at this very place at this very time today...I am content today and happy to be on this very journey...my journey...my very own Ally-journey...

A New Coat

Well, today I finally had to go out and buy myself a brand new winter coat. I parted with my all time favorite grey and black hounds tooth, cape style coat that was designed to hide an multitude of "sins" (when it came to my figure anyway!!!) and I ventured out to buy a new one. After our H1N1 shots, I took the kids to my favorite store, Pennington's, and we began to look at the coats. I began looking at the coats in a certain size about 1 - 2 sizes smaller than my old coat....but David came across a coat that he said would look great on me. It was black...so that was good, you know, for the whole "uniform" thingee....and it looked roomy enough...so, after trying on a few other coats, I decided to take David's advice and try his coat. I took it off the hanger and glanced at the size tag...twas a little smaller than I thought would fit....but none the less, I slipped it on and to my amazement the zipper went up...even over my HIPS!!!!! I was shocked to say the least....oh and the sleeves and shoulders are "fitted" not baggy and sloppily hanging off me in order to accommodate my chunky midriff....in the end, I wound up with a coat 3 sizes smaller than my old winter coat and I absolutely LOVE it. It was wonderful to walk into the store needing to buy a specific item and not have to compromise or get something that I didn't like just because it was the only thing that fit me. I actually had a wide variety of coats to choose from. It felt sooooooooooooooooo good...and the best part of all was when David said, "Mommy, that coat looks the best on you...it actually makes you look skinny!!!" What a guy...so sincere and sweet and definitely a good boost for my ego when it comes to my body image anyway!!!

HOOKED ON HUMMUS!!!!

Never thought I'd say it but I am officially HOOKED ON HUMMUS!!!!! It's amazing really, the things that I would never have paid much attention to I now enjoy eating a great deal! My tastes have completely changed. I find myself excited at the the thought of a hummus and flax seed flat bread snack and 10 lightly salted almonds are like candy!!! It's crazy!!

This past weekend I enjoyed my first ever turkey dinner since my surgery and it was wonderful. I had such an amazing time spending special moments in the kitchen preparing the meal and desserts with my mom...and the best part of all was that I was not preoccupied the whole time with eating or tasting as I went or licking the beaters!!! I just really enjoyed my time with my mom "doing" something together surrounding food but not obsessed by it. When it came time to eat that evening, I was definitely hungry and enjoy a cup full of dark turkey meat, whipped potatoes, squash, dressing, broccoli, cranberry sauce and of course, mom's traditional gravy!! It was the best meal I had ever tasted....everything came alive in my mouth as I chewed each bite and the flavour was even more savory than I had anticipated. When I had finished my plate of carefully measured food, I was not even tempted to go back for seconds. I knew that I could have more another time. I even resisted my mom's amazing peanut butter pie!!! I just had no desire to have it. I had a little taste on the end of my fork and I was satisfied. A very good feeling!

The rest of the weekend was filled with activity and I very much enjoyed doing things again that I hadn't done in a long time. I was able to walk up the country road I grew up on with my kids and didn't have to worry about being breathless or not able to keep up with them. Instead, we sauntered along up the road to visit with the neighbor's horses. Later in the weekend i was able to enjoy taking David and Ruthie for a little ride on out friend's pony and again, it was wonderful to active and outside and most of, comfortable doing it and not in pain or needing to sit and rest. I walked and walked and walked around and around with the kids on the pony.

To end the weekend, we enjoyed a campfire in the back yard for supper around the little campsite that the kids and my dad and Ed had built on Saturday. I ate my first hotdog cooked over the fire....it was delicious and again full of flavour! Once again, I was satisfied with just the one hot dog and wasn't tempted in the least to overstuff. I was even able to enjoy a roasted marshmallow too!! It was a good time.

I was able to weigh in this week for an update on my loss and I found that I had lost another 17lbs over the past few weeks. This brings my total weight loss since August 1st to 97lbs. I am so very happy and feel better and better every day. I don't regret my decision to do this and everyday I am excited for my new future and all the amazing things I have left to do in my life...dreams that I now have the opportunity to realize!!! Just keepin on keepin on...movin forward everyday...despite even silly, ridiculous, unexpected setbacks like breaking my craxy foot last night....it just makes me even more determined to persevere and press on FORWARD!!!!

It's Been a Whirlwind!!!

Well, it's been a whirlwind over the past week or so since my last post....really really busy getting back into the swing of things after my surgery. I went back to work this week full time and boy was it a struggle at times to cope with my new level of energy since my bypass. All in all though I think it went well. This week at lunch time I was able to walk all the way to the Tim Horton's down the street from THQ and back with my friend. It felt so wonderful to get out into the fresh air and actually helped with my energy for the rest of the afternoon. I also had never ever walked to the Timmies before because it was just to far for me to do comfortably without sweating like crazy and becoming winded and breathless, not to mention the pain I would have experienced in my back and hips as a result of the activity. It was an amazing feeling to be able to walk and to do it with such ease...I definitely had a spring in my step and I was proud of what I had accomplished thus far. I couldn't be happier!!!

On Thursday, I drove to Utica, Ny for my check up at the surgeon's office and it went well. I got there and was weighed and I have lost 45 lbs since my surgery on September 22nd. At first I have to admit that I was disappointed and almost got a little teary in the office, but as the nurse was talking to me I realized that I had really done well and was way above the average that they had estimated I would loose during that time. I seriously need to stop being so hard on myself!!! So, in total then since I started loosing weight prior to surgery beginning August 1st, I have lost just a little over 80 lbs!!

It is so hard to believe sometimes that I have come this far and I find myself thinking that I am just going to wake up one day and be right back where I started....I cannot believe that the one very personal dream I had for many many years is finally becoming my reality. I am beginning to love my body and to become comfortable in my own skin regardless of what it looks like. I am taking more of a sincere interest in looking after myself and giving myself the time and attention I need and deserve in order to be the healthiest Ally I can possibly be. What an amazing journey...I just can hardly express with words what I am feeling inside each day when I wake up and go about life with just a little more ease than the day before. What a gift!

Oh my goodness, I almost forgot...I WORE MY SEAT BELT FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS WEEK IN A VERY VERY LONG TIME!!!!! Driving to Utica I decided to undo the driver's seat belt, (which I usually just kept done up and I sat on top of because it didn't fit), and thought I would put it on while driving over the boarder. To my utter shock and amazement it fit...AND it fit with ample room to spare!!!! I screamed and smiled as big as I possibly could...another milestone for me along this journey. Now, I can drive in total safely!!!! I LOVE seat belts!!!!!

Finally for today's post, I really need to say something I should have said a long time back. I need to thank my good friend Mike Robertson from the bottom of my heart for the huge part he has played in this journey over the past few years. About two years ago, I met Mike just briefly and began talking about his battle with weight and bypass journey. From that point on, Mike made sure to check in with me and after I decided that I wanted to do the same he ensured that I knew I was supported in my decision...a decision that other people in my life at the time did not necessarily understand at first. I saw Mike this week for the first time after my surgery and as usual felt the support and confidence he had in me from the beginning. I can honestly say that had I not met Mike two years ago and had he not been so willing and open to share transparently his bypass story, I may never have made this amazing decision to choose "life" for myself. Thank you Mike many times over for the gift you have given me and for the rewards of that gift that I will reap for years to come. You are honestly and truly an inspiration to me personally and I am sure to many others too!!!

Continuing the Journey....

I went to Canadian Tire and Shoe Company this week one evening...seems quite insignificant, doesn't it?? And you are probably wondering why I'm journalling about it. Well is it definitely not insignificant but rather another huge milestone for me along this whole journey back to or into the "real"Allison...the fact is, since I had gained so much weight, I had been unable to go to these stores because of the whirly thing you had to walk through in order to get in...you know, those turn style thingees that they have at the entrance of certain stores or at sports arenas and at the subway station. Well, at the weight and size I was, I just didn't fit and would have easily gotten stuck attempting to make my way through one of these things. Instead, I would have had to ask a clerk to open the "special" gate for allowing mother's with strollers into the store. So, I simply avoided going to such stores at all. Crazy, I know...but it's my story. This week though, all that changed and I went to Canadian Tire THREE times and Shoe Company TWICE!!! I smiled with sheer delight every time I went through the turn style...and actually today when I went to Canadian Tire with Ed, I had him turn around and stop and watch me go through!!!!! I was so proud of myself...I am finally starting to feel normal!!! Oh yes, and I got an AMAZING pair of boots at the Shoe Company too...and they even have a heel!!! Haven't worn heels in ages!!!

On to other things...someone posted a good question about my journey that I felt was worth an answer. So, I'd like to address it the best I can...the question was about the loss of my "drug of choice" = FOOD and how that has had an effect on me during this journey. Food definitely was a drug for me, a way to numb all sorts of feelings and emotions that at times were just too much for me to bear. So, I would tell myself that if I could just make it through yet another day and be a good mother and a good wife and a good officer, I would reward myself with a nice snack at the end of the day. The "snack" usually consisted of a bag of chips, a container of dill pickle dip and a tub of ice cream...something like that. This lasted on and off for many years, definitely through my 20's, while I was having my children and being married and then divorced. I suppose the best way to explain it is to say that my fat and my food became my very best, faithful, constant companions through times that were so deeply painful and when I felt abandoned by all else. I could always depend on them and they made me feel better if only for a moment.

So, how did or does the change in thinking take place?? I'm not entirely sure, but for me it has been a real process and more specifically, it has been a process, a journey of self-discovery. Even though up until a few months ago my eating was insanely out of control and I was on a real downward spiral with my health, there was something amazing happening inside me. Despite my size and my disability of being morbidly obese, I was discovering who the girl was underneath. I was so very large that I felt the impact of my weight with every movement every day...I knew that I was dying a very slow death by expecting my heart to continue to pump through my body everyday. I think that as I came to the realization that I was living on borrowed time and that my tiny frame was not able to support me very well anymore, that I decided that I needed to let my "old friends", my fat and my food go. I did not need them anymore because I was Allison...a smart, pretty, loving, compassionate, competent woman and I had every reason to live. Do I miss my drug of choice? No. Not at all. I don't miss it at all because I have discovered something far more valuable...I have discovered me...with all my faults and failings, yes, but equally I have discovered the authentic Allison...the Allison who is no longer defined by her fat or the food that made her obese...but who is defined by the attributes she possesses both inside and out.

It's been an incredible journey. It not been an easy one at all, but one of serious personal introspection and a sincere openness to change. Even though many times it was uncomfortable to admit my failures and the personal responsibility that I had in getting the way I was, I know that the change had to begin from the inside. Now, I have been given the amazing opportunity for the outside to match!! Will I ever be perfect? Or have a perfect body? Or look like Angelina Jolie??? Nope!! Never!!! But I am happy because I never want to be in the position of watching life pass me by and not being able physically to join in. I am happy because I am no longer imprisoned by the chains of my obesity. I am happy because I chose life the day I got up on the operating table in Utica, NY. I am happy because I am free.

Before and After...
So Far...

Some of you have been asking for a before and after picture of me thus far to see the transformation....so, seeing as today was a good day (AND I went to the MAC counter at the Bay!!!), I will post pictures to compare...just gonna do face pictures for now...the full body shots will come later...let me know what you think! The before picture was taken the day I got out of the hospital after my surgery and the after picture was taken, of course, today!

I Know It's Been A While...

It's almost been a whole week since I posted last here on my Blog....I suppose I was wondering how interesting my rants and goings on really were to people!!! Or, if anyone was actually reading them!!!! Aside from that though, life has just been really hectic, even though I am not at work everyday. Anyway...............

So, tomorrow marks 4 weeks post op for me and I am continuing to do really well...or so I think. I haven't weighed lately so I don't have an exact weight loss figure, but I know that everyday more and more is coming off. Despite the knowledge that the weight is melting off, for some reason over the past week or so I have been frustrated and upset about the fact that it's not coming off fast enough...at least that was my perspective. I think that it's harder for me to actually see the loss day by day because I look at my self everyday...and also, I know that I still have so far to go. When I am out and around though and I see people I know, they are always quick to give complements and encouragement. Unless they are all lying to me, I guess I am getting smaller regardless of my feelings of discouragement!!! I appreciate so much the support of so many people in all of this and the assurance of people's interesting in my journey. It means so very much.

Last Thursday, my menu of allowed foods broadened again and so off to Walmart I went to gather a few things to try over the next few weeks. I will continue to eat this broadened list of foods for weeks 4, 5 & 6 post op. After that, I will begin to add more foods to my menu and experiment with how my new stomach responds to foods I used to eat.

Over the past week, the amount of food that I am able to eat per meal was to increase from 1/4 cup for a 1/2 cup. This is the maximum amount of solid food that I will be able to consume at one time. So, I have three of these 1/2 cup servings per day now and in between I continue to drink calorie free or low calorie fluids. It is very important post surgery to be sure that I stay hydrated because I am consuming so much less. Constant fluids is the key, although I have to stop drinking 1/2 hour before meals and then I can't drink during or for 1 hour after my meals. I get so thirsty, but I am learning to be ok with it!

Tonight, I had probably the most involved meal that I have had since my surgery and it finally tasted like I was eating "real" food or a real meal and not just a snack! I had a 1/4 cup of baked halibut and a 1/4 cup of butternut squash! It was so good, I actually felt like I was cheating my new diet. The greatest thing about it though was that it was what I was supposed to be eating. By the time I got to the end of my little meal, I was so full....it felt like I had just eaten an entire Thanksgiving dinner!! The wonderful thing about it is that I knew that I had only eaten a1/2 cup of food!!!! I felt so very satisfied and I can't wait to have more squash tomorrow!

Ok, well, I suppose that's enough for tonight...I don't want to bore you all....I will post again in a few days....all in all, it's going great and I STILL don't regret it!!! And I absolutely LOVE that I can walk around the entire block with my kids and keep up!!! Oh yes, and Bill, that brand new shiny red bike won't be long now in coming....I'll be riding it to work by Spring!!!!

3 Weeks

Today, I am three weeks post surgery which means that I am now past the most critical stage postoperatively. This means that my inside incisions are well on their way to being healed and my new stomach pouch is getting used to holding a little more food at one time. I am now able to enjoy a few more selections when it comes to my menu each day. I can have a little tuna salad, 2 small crackers, toast as well as the foods from the previous week...I am still very much enjoying mashed potatoes!!! On Thursday of this week, my diet changes again and I am going to be able to experiment with several more foods. I must admit that the variety will be really nice!!!

Physically, I am starting to feel a little better and my energy is getting better. I am starting to feel a little more like myself and I am really enjoying the increase in my activity level. Last night I went for a really nice walk and I wasn't even winded one bit. It was so very nice to be outside and just enjoying such a leisurely walk without having to worry about running out of breath or having pain in my back, knees and legs.

Again, I am feeling so grateful everyday for this "new life" that I have been given. Words cannot even begin to express the feeling that I have inside when I get out of bed in the morning and the feeling of "lightness" as I go about my day. It is truly amazing...I would not ever want to change my journey to this point and my decision to have this surgery. It's probably one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I am excited for each tomorrow!

A Good Day!

Today was an amazing day...in fact, probably the best day I have had since surgery. I got to start my week three post op menu, which was so very exciting! This morning I had a 1/2 an egg, scrambled with salt, pepper and ketchup on it! It tasted divine!! It was the best egg I have had in a very very long time. The other thing is that the swelling is going down in my new pouch so I am able to eat a little more food, which actually somewhat resembles a tiny mean rather than just chicken scratch and liquids all day. For lunch, I was able to eat almost a whole 1/2 a piece of toast with butter. It's amazing that as I was nearing the end of the 1/2 piece, I actually felt full! My feeling of full now is a weird pressure in my chest. Then I know to stop eating. I think the thing that is going to hardest for me to adjust to is not being able to drink with my meals. In fact, I can't drink 30 minutes before a meal and have to wait 1 hour after for a drink. I find that I am thirsty all the time, but I can't take a big glug of anything, you know, like you would do on a hot summer day after cutting the lawn. I have to sip sip sip everything and swish it around in my mouth in order to quench my thirst. I have, however, discovered sugar free Popsicles...and boy do I love them!! If I'm at home, I'm usually walking around with one in my hand!!!

Ok, so on to the REALLY REALLY great news of today....I went to the CIBO obesity clinic here in Toronto (where I had regular weigh in's scheduled before and after surgery) to do my usual weigh in, and to my surprise I had lost...ok now, brace yourself....get ready for it...I LOST 31 POUNDS since my surgery...just over two weeks ago!!! That's amazing!!! I have to keep pinching myself to remind myself that this is really true...it's really happening!!! SO, in total now, counting the 35 pounds I lost before surgery, I have lost 66 pounds since the end of July! I have never ever felt better!

Today was a good day!

Getting Better...

Today was a good day even though I did get really, really tired this afternoon. I spent the morning tidying up the house and straightening things up a bit. Physically, I am feeling quite well...I just seem to get spurts of energy to do things and then I seem to crash and need a nap. All in all though, I am coming along nicely and still have had no complications. I am able to now eat 2 tablespoons of solid food like mashed potatoes...I've never enjoyed mashed potatoes so much than I am now!!! I soooooooooo look forward to them...with a little butter and garlic...they are amazing....tonight, I have to admit, they tasted like heaven!!!!! I was teasing the kids that I was eating the potatoes of Angels tonight...it tasted so good!!!!

I am looking forward to Thursday morning this week because I can have a tiny bit of scrambled egg!!!! The kids and I are going to get up early and all have scrambled eggs together with ketchup!!!! I can't wait!!! Over the next week then beginning Thursday I will be able to start having a few small crackers, tuna & salmon salad and 1/4 to 1/2 piece of toast with butter!!!! Who knew that such small meals could be soooooooooo exciting!!!

The weight continues to fall off although I would love for it to go faster!!! But the main thing is that I am feeling so very much better. I actually look forward to walking and being out and around now, which is a welcome change.

The highlight of today was receiving a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my work family in the Personnel Department. They are wonderful and certainly remind me of the many people that I have behind me throughout this journey. Thanks everyone!

Saturday!

Well, today was my first full day with the kids since having surgery and I really wasn't sure what to expect. All in all it was a good day, but I have to admit, the mornings are so very hard for me. I got up relatively early and got all my vitamins and pother medications in as well as my protein shake and also got the kids fed, but then I was a noodle!! I laid back down on the couch while the kids played on the Wii for a short while and I know that I dozed in and out for a while. Needless to say, it was definitely a movie morning!! After I sort of got my feet under me shortly after noon, I was able to enjoy being with the kids a little more and I seemed to have a little more energy. I had a small bit of cottage cheese for lunch. David actually helped me make lunch for him and Ruthie. He put all the grilled cheese sandwiches together and buttered them all ready for me to put on the grill. He did such a good job...and he is doing a fantastic job "looking after me" since coming home. Ruthie set the table and got out all the drinks and David and I finished the grilled cheese and tomato soup. They gobbled up their lunch and then without me even asking they both loaded their dishes into the dishwasher. They are sooooooo grown up and I am so very proud of them. David even helped me this morning clean up the mess that the raccoons made of our garbage in the driveway!!! He wouldn't let me lift the garbage can up and put it back, instead he struggled to get it upright and put it back against the house!!

This afternoon was much better and by the time I actually got out of my jammies and into real clothes, I actually felt like doing a few things. David carried the vacuum cleaner up the stairs all by himself and after we cleaned the hamster and chinchilla cages, he vacuumed the entire top floor of the house. He even vacuumed my bedroom and did an excellent job of it too!!!

After we finished our jobs for the day we went outside for a while and went for a short walk up the street until it rained. It was an amazing feeling to be walking up the street with the kids. I can't even remember the last time we went for a leisurely walk together. It was another "first" for us and certainly a foretaste of what it surely to come in the future.

Each day I think that I feel a little stronger....its hard to tell sometimes because of my energy level and the low blood pressure. I know I feel good inside and I can feel the weight melting off my body. Everyday when I get dressed my clothes are just that much looser and I feel lighter on my feet. I don't huff and puff so badly when I walk up the stairs and I actually look forward to short walks around Shoppers Drug Mart instead of dreading them!!!!

Sometimes I forget that I have actually had the surgery....or I feel that it just isn't real yet...it is such a dream come true for me that it almost feels that it hasn't yet happened!!! Every moment I breathe now, I am breathing with a new depth and feeling of life...the surgery really has been a gift for me...a gift of life....to live a life that I had been deprived of for so long...a life that I never ever in a million years thought that I could live without this wonderful opportunity. I am so excited for my future...I am so excited for the many things I will do in my life now and the moments that I will enjoy that otherwise I would never have known. As I end my day today, my heart is overflowing with true gratefulness and thanksgiving for this amazing life-giving gift.

Getting Used to My New Self...

Today was another blah kind of day....I couldn't seem to get out of bed at a decent hour so I way over slept and then I was behind in my fluid intake....I woke up with a smashing headache, probably from being dehydrated from sleeping so long. Anyway, I got myself up and out of bed and began the long routine of getting my vitamins into me along with my 4oz of protein shake before attempting to have a shower and get ready for the day. It took about and hour AGAIN!!! Even though I did manage to get ready for the day and actually get out of my PJ's, I was exhausted for the entire day. I did go out for a short while in the truck but I was so tired I just came home and relaxed on the couch until the kids came home. In between all that though, I was able to eat 1 teaspoon of cream of wheat with a small bit of vanilla soy milk....it was delicious. Since today was my first day eating food rather than just drinking, I was also able to have 1 teaspoon of mashed potatoes at supper time. Because the amounts that I am eating are so small, I was able to have a little butter and garlic on the potatoes....it was the most delicious supper meal ever!!!!!!!!!! It was soooooooooooooooooo good!!! Both the cream of wheat and potatoes took me about 20 minutes to eat even though they were such small amounts and believe it or not, both times I ate, I was stuffed by the time I finished!!! What a feeling.!

I am hoping for a better energy day tomorrow and not to feel so lethargic. My blood pressure has dropped dramatically as a result of the surgery so I am learning to live with that. The surgeon told me that because my blood pressure was normal before surgery, the rapid weight loss combined with the tiny amounts of food would mean that my blood pressure would remain extremely low for some time. So, I am learning to pace myself more and get used to feeling light headed and what I like to call "noodley" from time to time...small spurts of energy and then I am completely useless....a noodle, more or less!!!

It was wonderful today to see my kids for the first time in almost two weeks. David in particular was very worried about me and could not wait to lay his eyes on me for real!!! I was greeted with many hugs and kisses...although they were both so gentle and careful not to hurt my tummy wounds!! Although I am thoroughly exhausted from simply making Kraft Dinner for the kids tonight and putting them to bed all on my own, I am very happy and contented to have them snuggled in their little beds here at home with me.

So, that was my day....I can't wait to lay my head on my pillow tonight...the dog and cat are already beckoning me to lay back and snuggle!!! They are snoring here beside me as I type. Ahh, the feeling of contentment after a long day.

Dreaming of my strawberry yogurt in the morning....good night!

Finally Home Again! (A picture of me today....it was a good day!!!!)

Well,I made it home to my very own house today...back where I started in the comfort of my home with my dog and cat and my own bed!!! My how I missed my own comfy bed!!! I can't wait to go to sleep in it tonight!!

Today was a much better day for me...I didn't feel as light headed and tired and even drove the truck for a little while on the way home. I got sort of sleepy this afternoon though and I will no doubt have a good sleep tonight. I have been sleeping so much better lately despite the fact that I haven't been in my own bed...but since I have begun to shed some of these pounds, I find it so much easier to get comfortable to sleep at night. I think I am breathing easier too. It makes such a difference to me!

Eating has been interesting for me since my surgery last Tuesday...or should I say "eating"...more like drinking and sipping, even licking things at times!!!!! My stomach is not the size of my thumb so that is all the liquid that I can fit into it at one time right now. So, it takes some skill and finesse to get all the liquids and protein shake in that I need to. Taking all my vitamins and pills is interesting too. In the morning it takes me about an hour to get down 4 ounces of my protein shake, two chewable children's multi-vitamins, an antacid pill and a couple more things....by the time that all of that is in my tiny tummy...I am full, not to mention exhausted!!!!! After that, I have to sip sip sip ALL day long in between my other two 4 oz protein shakes...it takes a good amount of concentration to remember to drink when I'm supposed to because I am never hungry. Even though for over 10 days now I have been ingesting only teeny tiny amounts of liquid I have not had one single hunger pang in my stomach!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!! It's seriously amazing!!!! Tonight, however, I did have a little treat from Swiss Chalet...as Ed gobbled down his half chicken dinner slathered in Chalet sauce and chomped on his crispy while roll and munched his yummy fries, I slowly sipped the broth from a bowl of Chalet chicken noodle soup...it was the best darn soup I've ever tasted....it was soooooooooooooooo good!!!! The amazing thing about starving yourself to death is that the food you do eat tastes absolutely beyond belief!!!!

Thursday marks the one week since I was discharged from the hospital which means I will be able to add a few more things to my diet. The good thing about this post op diet is that I never have to puree my food. On Thursday I can move from only having clear liquids to introducing small amounts of certain solids....I can have fat free/sugar free yogurt, loose mashed potatoes, oatmeal, cream of wheat, unsweetened apple sauce and fat free cottage cheese!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!

Coming Home!

I'm coming home to Toronto tomorrow and I will be able to access the Internet a little better so I will certainly be more diligent about updating things day to day. For now though, I am alive!! Today has been the worst day so far since coming out of the hospital. I have no energy and feel light headed all the time...it took me almost all day to have a shower and get dressed for Pete's sake!!!!! Not my typical self at all...but its ok...its all part of the process and hey, who cares about the energy and feelin' yucky a bit...my clothes are looser!!!!! I will write more of an update tomorrow!!! See yaz!

I'm Still Here!!!!

Well, the worst is over...or so they tell me...and that its only gonna get better from here...they way I'm feeling right now, I'm not too sure of that!!! Just kidding...its not that bad. Anyway, right from the horses mouth, the surgery went really well and I am recovering well. The Doctor came in the morning to discharge me from the hospital to go back to the hotel for couple of days and reminded me that my hew stomach"pouch" is only the size of my thumb!!!! Can you believe it???? MY THUMB!!!! Ain't gonna get none of those big mac's with extra sauce in there any more!!!! So, anyway, now I have to sip teeny tiny amounts of fluids, one ounce every 15 minutes to stay hydrated. I can't have any solid food for the next two weeks but I can have broth and diluted juices, decaffeinated tea and coffee...so it's not all that bad!!!

After coming back to the hotel I had a splitting headache....getting two extra strength Tylenol down when you have the stomach the size of your thumb is interesting!!! And I have to be so very very careful not to over stuff the pouch in these early days after surgery. The pouch is very delicate for the first three weeks after the surgery so it is imperative that I follow the instructions perfectly in order to heal completely. Then, and only then, will i be able to introduce a few more items into my menu...doesn't look like I will be having turkey dinner for Thanksgiving though!!! Maybe I'll just lick the gravy spoon!!! Hopefully, I'll be able to enjoy a little Christmas turkey this year though!

So friends, that's about it for now. My eyes get a little weird if I look at this screen for too long but I will type more tomorrow and keep you all posted. Thanks for reading and showing your interest in my journey...I couldn't have done this without all the support I have had from all of you individually!! You each played a part!

SURGERY DAY!!! - (Surgery at) 12:00 NOON

I cannot believe that it is finally here!! All that waiting and research and checking things out and wondering and consultations and eating birdseed!!!!! It has all finally worked together to bring me to this day! Of course, I am excited and a little nervous, I kind of have butterflies in my stomach and I am feeling a little dizzy from not eating for so many days, but other than that, I am raring to go....pretty much bouncing off the walls....nothing stopping me now! Ed and Mom have been a great support so far on the trip and I know that it will continue after surgery...they are waiting on my hand a foot...such a change for the self-sufficient, independent woman I try to be on a regular basis!!! I'm kind of enjoying the attention though, I have to admit!!!!

Sooooooooooo, here we go. The next time you hear from me I will a little different looking on the inside....or well, my anatomy will be a little rearranged, but I will still be the same Ally...just on a different path!!

Thanks to all of you for your notes of encouragement. I read them over and over every time I log into my blog. They mean so much to me. I read them again this morning and took in every word so that they are what I will be thinking of as I drift away this morning into my blissful sleep during surgery...I know you are all here in spirit and I appreciate that so much.

See you on the flip side!!!

Ally-Girl :)

The night before....

It was a busy day to say the least. First off to the hospital for the final pre op assessment and to meet the anesthesiologist to answer any questions and for them to have a final look at me before the deed is done!!! All went so very well and my runny nose did not even pose one bit of a problem!!! I am so happy that things are finally winding down and that all of the steps I have taken to this point have lead me to exactly where I want to be and need to be right at this moment in time. I met with my surgeon's office after in order to see the nutritionist who will help me with my post op diet and they were thrilled at the weight I had lost! The affirmed that they could see that I was more than ready for this new adventure in my life and that I have wrapped my mind around all aspects of the changes that I will need to make in my life.

I am just so grateful today that I am as healthy as I am despite my current weight of 400lbs and that I don't have serious medical complications heading into such an extensive surgery. There are so many other people who suffer greatly with other illnesses and hindrances as a result of their weight and I have been blessed with a supernatural strength that has enabled me to carry this amount of weight with the least amount of damage to my body....no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no diabetes, no worn out knees, joins or hips...I am otherwise healthy as a horse! And apparently I am a text book case heading into this surgery.

Words cannot express how excited I am to be getting ready tonight to take this next step in my journey tomorrow morning. I am sure that I won't sleep a wink...instead I will be dreaming of new red bicycles...and chasing my kids through the field...my hair blowing in the wind as I float along on the back of my beautiful horse...water skiing again with my Daddy like we used to (and giving him a run for his money at it too)...tonight my mind will be wandering up the mountain trails I will hike and the zip lines I will swing along, the hills I am going to ski and the trips that I will take, flying in an airplane comfortably in the seat...but most of all, I will be dreaming of the transformation that will take place over the next while that will finally expose the "real, authentic, genuine Ally-Girl"...the Ally that I am on the inside but who has been so hindered from true expression as a result of this weighty battle and for many years....that's where my mind will be as I place my head on my pillow and close my eyes tonight, for the final time, as the "old" Allison....

Utica, NY....Fianlly...

Well, we finally arrived in Utica, NY and now I am eagerly awaiting my pre op appointments and other preparations for surgery on Tuesday. Only two more days to go until the big day. I am so very excited and can['t wait to just be on the other side of this whole thing! It has been almost two years since I really began to seriously consider rapid weight loss surgery and so I am more than ready to get this over with...the surgery part of it anyway!!!! I woke up yesterday morning with a few sniffles in my nose so I am really really praying that it is just my allergies and that it will not be a hindrance to surgery on Tuesday. I have been resting a lot and drinking a lot of fluids and taking cold FX and vitamin C, so hopefully it will pass. I am praying that this does not turn out into anything seriously complicating to surgery. I would be absolutely devastated if the whole thing was cancelled or postponed because of a runny nose!!! ! Jeepers!!!!

Anyway, I am trying to remain positive about this whole thing and trust that it is going to happen. I know I will be nervous going into surgery but I will be relieved when I wake up in the recovery room with it all behind me.

That's it for now! I'm going to head off to bed and try and get a really good rest and pretty much take it easy tomorrow too...maybe a teeny tiny bit of shopping!! !We'll see!!!

Thanks for reading everyone and please pray for my runny nose!!!! Darn those allergies!

What a Send Off!!!

Well, yesterday was my final day at work before being off for my surgery....and boy, what a send off I was given!!! I was in no way expecting the amazing last day that I had at THQ, not to mention the wonderful extra special coffee break in my honor!!! Wow!!! I am lost for words (believe it or not!!!). I was so very surprised at the number of people who came to show their support to be and to be of great encouragement as I press forward in this incredible journey. I have been most touched by the way people have rallied around me in the days of preparation for my surgery and for the keen interest in the whole process. I must admit that I was literally shocked by the outpouring of love and appreciation for me, especially on my last day. I did not realize how valued I truly was by so many people...even those who I don't know as well too! What a beautiful reminder to me of the amazing "family" of which I am a part at THQ, particularly on our floor. I love you all soooooooooooooo much and I am so glad that you have been along for this "ride of a lifetime" for me!!!

It's only 5 more days until the BIG day and as expected, I am beyond excited....a little exhausted from all the preparation over the past weeks, but excited none the less!! Mixed emotions really...I just can't wait to begin the first day of the rest of my life post surgery...my mom says that it will be my second birthday in a sense...a day to celebrate for sure in the years to come!!!

The kids and I along with Ed had a little party tonight and David ordered pizza, of course!!! I was able to have two pieces and still stay on track with my pre op diet...we had a great time together and they certainly enjoyed their own favorite special desserts that I made them...David had chewy brownies with french vanilla icing and I made Ruthie her favorite, chocolate chip banana muffins with "special" topping. I had a teeny ting piece of brownie and a small bite of the muffins in to celebrate with the kids tonight. It was really nice to enjoy the little treat and not feel that I had to go overboard and eat the whole pan of brownies myself!!!! The little taste was sooooooooooo good after birdseed for 6 weeks...it was delicious!!!!

So, all's ready to go!! Just have to wait these last few days...just going to rest up tomorrow during the day and head out to meet my mom in Pembroke before we leave for the states. One step closer to the other side!!!!

Getting There...

I'm tired today and have been all weekend. Not sure why but I think I am just exhausted from all the prep I have had to do in order to be ready for this surgery...very worth while....but tiring just the same. The kids seem a little "off" these days too...mostly yesterday and today...I'm not sure what it is but perhaps its just their way of processing things...especially David. He is so sensitive and feels things so very deeply that I am sure there are a multitude of feelings and emotions inside of him about me having surgery. It so hard to know what is really going through their little hearts and minds...all I can do is reassure them that everything will be ok...I love them so much and a large part of this decision has so much to do with them...in many ways they are my inspiration...

Anyway, aside from that, today was fairly uneventful...just a lot of work and preparation to get things ready for being out of the office for 6 weeks. I am already starting to fret about it...but I am trying to remind myself that it will all be ok...I have done my best to work hard at making sure all my bases are covered...I am just a fretter by nature!!!

Thanks to all of you who have extended words of encouragement and support along this journey and for those of who who have just come on board...it means so much to me to have all of you along for the ride and for the opportunity to share this momentous journey in my life with you!

9 Days!

It's 9 days until my surgery day and of course, my mind is completely preoccupied with this whole process...I just can't wait to get there and be on the other side of the surgery...wake up and know that it's all over...however, I must be patient....

I had a super weekend with my kids...we did things together that we have not done in a long, long time....or at least, not without a great deal of exhaustion or discomfort on my part physically. We had a little shopping to do so we went to Shopper's Drug Mart and we must have been in there a half an hour just taking our time strolling through the isles. Usually I would have ran in and out of the store as fast as I could because my back and feet would be in such pain the longer I was on them and I would get hot and sweaty with the smallest bit of exertion. This time, we doddled. Ruthie pushed her own cart and David carried a basket. We really only had about three things to pick up at the store but it was so freeing just to be able to breathe easier, strolling through the store with them...I didn't want it to end!!! Anyway, we got our mouth wash and deodorant and enjoyed a nice trek together too!!

After that I was really feeling adventurous and decided to take the kids to the park. I haven't done this in a time either. But what a difference 30lbs makes!!! I actually enjoyed the little walk to the school playground and had an amazing time walking around with the dog while the kids played. (I even "played" a bit myself..although I didn't quite make it down the slide....YET!!!!!)

What an amazing day Saturday was just enjoying a tiny taste of what is to come for me. I still am lugging around a few hundred extra pounds of weight from my ideal, but I feel light as a feather!!! And I was honestly delighted at the joy I felt being far more active this weekend than I have been in a while.

This has really gotten me to thinking about my weight and the real "handicap" it can be...not only for me, but for all those who really battle with obesity. The things that "normal" people take for granted are things that people like me long to do but just can't. I was talking to my best friend Hannah (my best ever childhood friend who knows me inside out...including my struggle with weight) this weekend and was reminded of the last time I actually sat comfortably in a Movie Theatre or even went to one at all...it was more than 7 years ago!!! So many things that I have missed out on and for so long just told myself it didn't matter...well, it does matter and I'm gonna do them!! I'm going to go to a movie....or sit in an arena...I'm going to go on a roller coaster and walk an entire theme park without being winded after 10 minutes...today I choose to live and experience and explore...and I choose to do it with as much joy and exuberance I can possibly muster!!!!!! Just you watch...God certainly is NOT finished with this chubby old girl yet!!!! I am so very grateful for this second chance...

Friday Night...

Well, it's Friday night and the end of my final full work week prior to my surgery. I have mixed emotions. I'm trying to run through everything I have done at work to prepare for being off for 6 weeks to be sure that all of my bases are covered. Only two and a half more work days before I am off....at least everything at home is coming together. I've thoroughly cleaned and organized my house over the past couple of weeks, tore apart and reorganized the kids rooms, complete with painting and a little interior decorating...the basement is actually looking livable and believe it or not all the laundry is up to date. All the arrangements for my animals have been made and I've stocked up on food for them for when I am away. Tomorrow the kids and I are going to clean the chinchilla and hamster cages so that they are all fresh before I go. One more thing for me to check off my list of things to do.

The kids have been great about this whole process. I've done my best to explain to them that I am having surgery, what it is for and that I will really need their help after I am home with them. They have been super about it and have enjoyed "practising" helping me carry up the laundry from the basement!!! It's been fun really, especially with David, because he is more able to comprehend the significance of this surgery. He told me that he is going to buy me a brand new red bicycle for my birthday next year and that he and I are going to go on a ride together next spring and summer. He has big plans for me....horseback riding, whitewater rafting, baseball...playing Wii and keeping up with his wild boxing moves...roller blading and ice skating...I don't think we are going to be bored for a really long time!!!!

David really does impress me, more and more everyday. Every night after Ruthie is all tucked in bed, he and I have a cuddle time on my bed where we just chit chat about all kinds of things. One night we got talking about the surgery and all the things we were going to do together and then just out of the blue David said, "buy Mommy, I love you whether you are chubby or skinny...because you will always be my Mommy." Since then, he has said the same thing over and over again at different times and Ruthie has now caught on and said the other day, "I love you no matter what, Mommy." So simple, and yet so very profound. The words and thoughts, the sensitivity and love of a child...reminding me of my value in the midst of all of this, despite the excess pounds of weight that I have carried for so long...reminding me that my weight does not define who I am. Thank you David & Ruthie...you have given me more than you may ever possibly know...my life is so full with the two of you in it!!!

SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!!!!!!! I just added it and I want to see if it works!!!! Its over to the right of this page just below the "Share Some Love..." box...........

Yay!!!!!!

I just heard from the Surgeon's office and I am cleared for surgery. This means that my blood work was not all THAT out of wack! So I can put my mind at ease just enjoy the ride from here. I cannot wait...I can hardly concentrate...I have my bags packed and I am soooooooooooooo ready to go.....the 22nd can't come fast enough now!!!

Time is dragging on although I know that every moment that passes is a moment closer to the day of my surgery. I just wish it was here NOW!! Anyway, today I went to my family Doctor for my final preop appoinmtent to go over all the paperwork and test results. All the tests were fine except my liver test. The enzyme levels that were tested came back slightly elevated, which could mean one of two things. Either it is simply symtomatic of the fact that I am morbidly obese and have what most people my size have, a fatty liver or it could be a stone left over in the duct from where my gall bladder was removed last year. Needless to say, when my Doctor told me all this, immediate panic set in and I began to think of what I would do and how I would feel if for some reason the surgery was postponed or cancelled. My Doctor was great and assured me that she was certain that it was a symptom of my weight and the surgery would only improve this issue.

I am pushing myself every minute to be positive and keep pushing forward in this process and not to allow myself to worry about the possibility of it not happening. I have just waited so long for the opportunity to seriously deal with my weight and all that goes a long with being my size. Words cannot express my feelings surrounding the amazing gift of this process. I am so very grateful to be moving forward to become the best Allison that I can be....from the inside out!

Gonna just keep moving forward....

Getting Closer...

I am so happy...I weighed in again today and I am down another 5 lbs from last week so that makes my pre op diet all that much more tolerable!!! I really don't mind eating all this birdseed and granola aftter all!! Seriously, I am getting excited and seem to be focused and on a roll about making the righ choices as far as my food is concerned and really thinking about what it is that I am putting in my mouth and why. After surgery, when I begin to eat solids again, I will have to chew my food really really well. So, at this point I am being encouraged to practise doing it now...which really makes me think about the food that I am eating and also about the taste and the texture. It's like exploring food in a whole new way, and hey, it seems to be working for me!

I was talking to someone at work today about this whole journey and my eating and I couldnt help but reflect as i was speaking about how I almost feel a new life coming about inside me. I know that might seem sort of strange, but its the best way that I can describe how I am feeling inside. This truely is an inside journey and will make its way to the outside in time. As I choose to eat well and reallt take care of myself in preparation for this surgery, i find that I am energized, not just physically, but mentall and spiritually too. I feel a lightness about myself and almost a spring in my step. I suppose its just a feeling of well-being but it has just been so long since I reall felt "well"....it is certainly a welcome gift!

The Beginning...

Ok, so its about two weeks until my life changes forever and I am so very excited...it has been a long journey to get to this point and I am so looking forward to this change. Since I was a little girl, probably about 10 years old, I dreamed of having a "normal" body....or at least one that looked like my tall, beautiful, slender older sister. But little did I know that it would be many many years before this dream would even be close to being realized. After a couple decades of personal work to really get to know and love myself and accept myself for the Ally I am, I am finally able to work on the outer shell of my being. It has seriously been an inside to outside process, one of many trials and tears, sorrows and heartache....but definitely worth it. I would not trade the "learning" I have done as a result of this personal "battle", my weight and Identity as "Allison" despite it.

I find myself preoccupied with my surgery, thinking of it from when I wake until I go to bed. I cannot wait to run again, no just wait, I can't wait to walk more than 5 minutes without feeling tired! I can't wait to ride a bike again and go white-watter rafting with my son for his 9th birthday...I can't wait to feel the breeze through my hair again while horseback riding with Ruthie...I cannot wait to go to a restaurant or movie theatre or concert hall without serious anxiety over the seating and whether or not I will fit!!! So many things I have missed out on...soon to be shared and experienced...

Anyway, I am basically packed for the trip to Utica, NY, so I could leave at a moment's notice if I had to! I have all my post-op medications, my special diet requirements, comfy clothes etc...I've even been eating "birdseed" for the past three weeks and I am feeling great!!!! My pre-op diet has actually been a pleasure...shocking, I know, but it's true...I suppose it's means to an end...so far I have lost almost a total of 30lbs....and it's only going to getter better from here...